The Beginning

This episode was the pilot for the series and was later released as a video narrated by The Kid (who is not in the actual episode) to show how the band got together.

The Kid starts off his narration by telling us that he wasn’t always in the band but he remembers how it felt when he first moved to town and how lonely he was.  He didn’t know how many “rad” kids there were in the neighborhood and then he proceeds to introduce some in the “flashback” to the pilot.

We first meet Gloria who is siting down to her piano at home to practice, and Renee who immediately surprises her to take her out to do things Gloria’s parents would not approve of.  We learn right away that Renee is a badass.

Gloria doesn’t want to go, but Renee’s plea of “C’mon, things are really happening on the street!” must have got to her so she agrees to go.  Also, please keep in mind that Gloria seems to be around at least 14 year of age and Renee around 10.  I’m not sure that Gloria should be deferring to a 10 year old about things that are happening on the street.

The girls head out to the Malt Shop because apparently that is where the “auditions” are happening and we discover that Gloria’s mom doesn’t want her auditioning because singing popular 80’s songs is trashy or something.

1ST SONG:
“Men at Work mashup”
Dance number against a construction background and I have no idea who is “singing” the songs.

The girls carry on and literally a few second later run into…

2ND SONG:
“Police mashup”
Another dance number from behind a fence and I still have no idea who is singing.

Once that is done we discover that Renee has dragged Gloria to the malt shop so that she can audition.  Gloria says she doesn’t have a band to audition with and Renee tells her that she would be great in Mickey’s band.

It is here we find out that Mickey is incredibly sexist and does not want women in his band. Cut to the Malt Shop.

It’s worth noting here that the Malt Shop looks very similar in layout but is not what will eventually become The P*lace.

The soda jerk Mike is just that…a JERK.  He insults the talent, the patrons and tells them to suck it up when he gets their orders wrong.  Man, I can’t wait to Riley to join us!

3RD SONG:
“Olivia Newton John mashup/Hall & Oats mashup”
Jennifer & Danny

I have to note that I was not entirely sure that Danny was not having some sort of seizure during the “you make my dreams come true” portion of the mashup. I THINK he was just trying to dance, but again, I can’t be sure.

The song(s) end and Jennifer and Danny talk about “the dance”.  She hints that she wants him to ask her to go and tells him he is such a good dancer.  I begin to wonder if she isn’t blind because the dude was jumping around like he had a particularly viscous spider in his shorts just seconds before.  At any rate Danny nicely shines her off.

It is reveled 2.5 seconds later that Danny has a crush on Gloria so of course she and Renee enter at that moment and they all sit down together along with Stacy…Renee’s sister.

After Danny sort of invites her to the dance (with a bunch of his friends), Mike the soda jerk comes over and fawns all over Gloria.  I’m sensing a pattern here.  Renee 86’s him to go get sodas…you know, his job?

The girls leave to go see if they can find sexist Mickey to join his sexist band.

We focus in on Mickey and his henchman Chris peeking into a darkly lit yet not at all secured building.  As the delve deeper Mickey reveals that his dad used to frequent this place to see Sinatra, Elvis and The Beatles perform in this very building  (I’m pretty sure all three of those artists had very different time frames but maybe Mickey’s dad had season tickets).  They find a light switch (good thing they are still paying for the power in this broken down building) and stumble upon fully functioning band equipment on a stage!  Can you imagine the luck??

4TH SONG
“Defunkitize” (This as an original…and it showed.)

As they play the song they see weird ghost type ppl and get freaked out and bolt…but only after finishing the song.

As Chris is leaving the “cave” he is stopped by the girls asking where Mickey is. They argue and talk about how they want Gloria in the band.  It amounts to nothing and as Chris leaves, they see a shadow figure painted on a wall of Elvis and try to explain to Stacy who Elvis was.

5TH SONG
“Elvis mashup”
No idea

The girls immediately get into an argument about boys and Stacy literally shoves them down to sing:

6TH SONG
“Gloria”
Stacy (Good on ya Fergie for getting the first real solo)

The girls are distracted by a cat hissing and ….
7TH SONG
“Stray Cats mashup”
Mickey

The girls fight back with…

8TH SONG
“Hey Mickey”
Renee
“Kids in America”
Ensemble

Everyone meets back up and Chris determines that they cannot add anyone to the band even though Mickey is the band leader.  And this is where Renee delivers the best line of the episode: “Chris, why don’t you sit on a warm marshmallow!” Chris then makes violent knuckle cracking posturing towards Renee, because you know it’s cool to beat up girls.

I’ve been ignoring The Kids narrative up until this point because it was so minimal but now they do a whole solo to:

9TH SONG
“Your So Shy”
The Kid

 

The Boys in Mickey’s Group are standing around in tough outfits against a street background talking about how Chris and Mickey shot the girl’s down.  Danny (who is now suddenly a part of their band???) defends Gloria because he is still in love with her.

10TH SONG
“Beatles mashup”
Danny & Mickey

 

Audition Time.

Mike the Soda Jerk is still being a jerk…kinda whipping towels at patrons. Short of stabbing someone, I’m not sure how much worse he could actually be.

Gloria sails in and Mike is on it, flirting with her and asking if she is auditioning.  She tells him no, but like any great predator he persists and offers to make her the winner of the show. GUYS I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.   She just breezes past him with an insult. Not to be thwarted, he then asks her to the dance but she tells him she is going to the dance with Danny.

11TH SONG
“Michael Jackson mashup”
Duane (don’t ask me who he is, he just showed up on stage)

It is worth noting he has a MAJOR falsetto going on…way higher than MJ ever had.  He’s not bad, it’s just really noticeable. Also, enough with the strobe light, you are going to give someone a stroke.

 

Mickey and his band show up and try to get onstage but Mike says NO WAY, I have to clean up and get stuff done.
Gloria gets all flirty and asks Mike to let them play….For her?
He say yes and:

12TH SONG
“Rick Springfield/Pat Bentetar mashup”
Micky & Gloria

Mickey and his band battle back and forth onstage and when they are done Mike announces the winner.  Much to Mickey’s surprise, the winner is Gloria!   Dude…how are you shocked?  The guy holding the competition has a raging hard on for Gloria.   I mean, you just watched her successfully bat her eyes at Mike to accomplish what you couldn’t…did you not do the math on this one Mickey?

After the applause dies down Mike turns to Gloria and mumbles something that I couldn’t hear despite the fact that he has a microphone in his hands.  I rewound it three times and then finally listened through earbuds and it is him asking her if she can play next Saturday.

She tells him that “they” are a band and they play together or not at all.  Mike agrees eagerly because he still wants to get into Gloria’s pants and he really could care less who is on the stage.

There is much woohooing and then Mickey makes it sound like it was all his idea to have a girl singer in the band all along.  Because we were all imagining him being a rotten sexist pig for the better part of the last hour.

Cut to:

13TH SONG
Kids Incorporated Theme Song
Mickey & Gloria

Everyone runs outside and performs the full theme song complete with gymnastics, a human pyramid and un-synchronized (that I think was supposed to be synchronized) break dancing.

Gloria makes it home just in time before her mom catches on that she wasn’t practicing piano the whole time (though I don’t know what she’s going to tell her mom every single day she has to go play in the band now).

Cut to The Kid back in narration mode.  He is lamenting about how he wished he had auditioned for the band like everyone else but there was no use crying about it at that point.

14TH SONG
“I Need A Hero”
The Kid

The song ends with The Kid coming out of his fantasy and a very DIFFERENT looking Gloria is standing there clapping for him.  She tells him she’s in a band and then highhandedly without asking anyone else in the group asks The Kid if he wants to join.  He of course says yes and we cut to:

15TH SONG
Kids Incorporated Theme Song (again)

Basically a montage of scenes from the 1st season.